On the legs you stay
From hot and cold protected
Pants, Serenity

I'm a villainous mutated sewer rat with a lot to do each day. I didn't always want to live in the sewers and steal garbage and terrorize people in dark alleyways to make a living. I wanted to get a job at Evil Inc., but the only job that I was suited for was toxic waste mismanagement, but it required a degree. I thought I was done for, but then I decided to try an on-line college! I salvaged a computer and some wires and chewed through some cables and spliced myself an interest connection in my sewer lair. On-line classes work for me because I can do them on my own time. I can't scare sewer workers away in I'm sitting in a class somewhere, and I can't grab people's legs and purses through sewer drains with my tail is I spend all my time commuting to a college and back, so studying and working on assignments at my own pace fit me well. After just a few months, I got my Online MBA and applied for the job, and now I am living my dream! I have a nice underground office with a job that has great benefits and I can learn and grow by working with people I look up too (not just because I am a bottom feeding mutated sewer rat), and I might even soon be considered to be a super villain! Don't put your life on hold, grab it be the tail!

The Space Turtle conducted a series of surveys to try and gather people's opinions on The Space Turtle. Here are some of the questions and responses:

Have you heard of The Space Turtle?
*The What?
*From Discworld, with the four elephants?
*The Space Turtle? I have a space bar and a turtle, does that count?

(After having someone view the site)Do you feel more informed after reading the news articles on The Space Turtle?
*You call that news?
*Informed? More like deformed.
*It wasn't negative enough, it could not have been real news.

(After having someone view the site)Would you visit The Space Turtle regularly?
*Will you pay me too?
*(Participant ran away screaming)
*I visit the toilet regularly, but that doesn't mean I like it.

A party was held at a well known underworld night club last night. The party was the celebrate the new food menu items the club was going to be serving and they were giving away free samples. Things went awry when four vampires who frequented the club died after eating some of the new mini steak snack bagels. After sampling them, the four were talking near the dance floor when they started to cough, then turned into dust. This caused a dancer who was not paying attention to trip and fall over one of the piles of dust. This caused the club to fall into silence. When it was realized that the vampires were the piles of dust, a fight almost broke out with some of the late vampire's friends and some werewolves who were in the club. The fight was stopped when someone noticed all the piles had some of the bagels on them. When investigated, it was found that the steak was shipped in crates and when opened, they were splintered and particles of the crates got onto the steak and then were cooked into the meat. The steak was high in cholesterol and it went straight to the vampire's hearts. This killed them almost instantly because they had ingested wooden steak bagels.

I was the city's beloved hero. I rescued people from flaming buildings, caught purse snatchers, defeated villains who were flying around on gliders and throwing explosives, and everyone loved me for it. Then some guy decides to dress up like me and rob a bank, and get seen doing it. It got all over the paper and the editor was ecstatic, and his campaign against me made me look like a total criminal. But all was not lost. I was enrolled in lifelock and it made all the difference. They lived up to their one million dollar guarantee and ran their own campaigns and hired spokespeople on my behalf to clear my good name. They even got the stolen money off my record before I had caught the impostor and turned him in! Now I am the city's hero again, and now even I have a hero, Lifelock. The free credit report is handy, too!

The surfer heralds
The planetary lunchtime.
Galactus Has Come

This haiku was inspired by today's Evil Inc. Comic.

Morning -
I write this account for I cannot speak. I am a Shaolin monk who has taken a vow of silence for a time until I have learned to control my words. I have taken up the sacred art of mystery shopping. Today I will make my first attempt to shop mysteriously. Because I cannot speak, it shall be interesting.

Afternoon -
I took the assignment to shop at a local food market. I had a list of things to buy from my master which I took with me. I found all the items but one, so I had to ask someone where it was. I showed them the item on my list. They were unsure where it was, and took a while to ask someone who did know. Had I not taken this vow of silence, I would have spoke out words against them. Instead, I just recorded this detail down. When I had my items, I took them to pay for them. My master gave me only small coins to pay with. I had to count them to pay. The clerk was polite and patient with me. I took note of this as well. On my way out, I noticed a mess that was not there when I had come in. I noted this as well as the fact that someone was coming to clean it promptly. I returned with the items.

Evening -
My master was pleased with me and had given me the title of Hovering Seagull, the lowest rank of a mystery shopping monk. I have begun my journey. He says soon I will be able to join the ranks of the BestMark, an elite group of secret shoppers who can choose their own opportunities near their own homes to shop using the secret arts.

The teddy bear sat upon the dresser top next too some keys, a little bowl of change, and lava lamp, and a tennis ball. The teddy bear only sat there and minded his own business. The cat liked to harass the bear. It liked to bite his arms and try to claw threads. The bear always did nothing and sat there. One day a meteorite hit the atmosphere and burned down to a tiny rock that shot through the window near the dresser and struck the lava lamp near the top and sunk on top on the lava, leaving a tiny hole in the top of the lava lamp. One night the lamp got turned on and warmed up. The tiny rock mixed into the lava and moving around, heating up. It caused a reaction in the lava and some squirted out onto the teddy bear. Later the cat tried to claw at the bear. The bear had been transformed by the lava which was affected by cosmic radiation from the meteorite. As the cat stuck its claws into the bear, the bear twisted, causing the claws to become stuck in some threads. The bear grabbed the tennis ball and started beating the cat with it until the cat fell off the dressed, taking the bear with it. As they fell, the bear grabbed the lava lamp which fell upon the cat. The cat got free and ran out into the night. The radiation transformed the cat into a killer beast, heartless and deadly.

Outside your window, you hear an ominous low purr, like that of a cat.

A new gang of bikers has been riding on the roads. They call themselves the Mole Rats. They tend to ride large chopper bikes. The members are men and women both. One of the women has a very large bike, while all the others have smaller ones. It is not sure if she is the leader or not. The gang tends to be benign other than a few strange behaviors such as raiding bait shops and taking large worms without paying.
A Mole Rat member can be recognized by their trademark bald head, sunglasses which have narrow slits to see through, and a naked leather motorcycle jacket.

Gaining fame from this new biker gang is a website called The Bazaar Online, where the Mole Rats are said to have purchased their trademark jackets. The site offers many styles of biker clothing including leather pants, boots, and gloves, as well as other biking gear, such as helmets, chained wallets, and packs and pouches.

Read part one here.

In my dreams I saw visions of fathomless landscapes and creatures beyond all description other then it almost seemed to be underwater. The dreams were impossible but seemed all too real. One of the creatures continuously tried to communicate to me, but its voice, if that is what it could be called, spoke in strange and ominous tones that were more like music than words and were beyond my comprehension. I awoke in the early morning, groggy as if I had only gotten a nap just long enough to feel sleepy and useless. I got dressed and shambled over to the hotel lobby to get a cup of coffee and toast. There was a man with a strange look about him who did a terrible job of trying not to look interested in me. As I pictured the man swimming in a fish bowl, I doctored my coffee with too much sugar and not enough creme and gulped it down between large bites of toast lathered in strawberry jam. I got that feeling that told me I was going to be in my own jam soon. I got in my car kept a lookout to see the strange looking man do a terrible job of not trying to look like he was following me and headed back to Miskatonic University to speak with as many of Charles' professors as I could.

To Be Continued...
Part three